My name is Greg Gaines. I am seventeen. I am the one who wrote this book. My physical appearence is unsatisfactory, and there is probably a fungus eating my brain. I'm not even sure I'm a human.

Earl Jackson is the only person who is even sort of my friend. We make mediocre fils together. Werner Herzog is our biggest influence. Earl is generally filled with violent rage.

During my senior year, my mother forced me to become friends with a girl who had cancer. This brought about the destruction of my entire life. If you seriously want to read about that, then I guess this brain-punchingly inane book is for you.